i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
