No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh god the rape fog is back!
I met the friendliest cop last night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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