I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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