took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
