I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
