and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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