I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
