I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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