He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
