a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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