I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
