addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
