oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
