every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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