I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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