i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
