Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
