so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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