tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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