Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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