I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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