the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
