We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
