my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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