ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
