as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
