I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
