i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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