Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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