Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
