I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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