did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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