i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
