I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
