Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
