If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
