You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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