Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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