If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
