I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
