It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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