You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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