you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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