Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
