Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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