I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
