thus making me awesome and them whores
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
