i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
