hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
