She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
