Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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