Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
